Why Lie? Set the Truth Free!

lying, therapy london

Small lies, big lies, web of lies – we’ve all lied in some way or another. I also get a lot of people asking about lying, so it’s something that I think I should dig a little deeper into.

When you lie, it can never be just one small, white lie. 

A lie has to be told to then cover up the previous lie and so on. When you start lying, it’s hard to stop and that is when the web of lies begins. You can even get to the point where you believe your own lies, as you have lost track of where the truth starts and the lie ends. The lie becomes the easy, quick response.

Lying creates a false reality for yourself and a barrier to what you can achieve and can do in your real life. 

Don’t follow the leaders

I was even reminded of this in the news reading Leadership 101: Lying isn’t Leading from Forbes. Lying has become the new norm to either deter a painful truth or to make one seem more trustworthy. But this actually creates the opposite effect as Dana Brownlee accurately states – 

“People typically can sense when they’re not getting the full truth and one terribly unfortunate consequence of that spidey sense is that it can encourage paranoia or negative fantasies”

Once you remember that the long term effects of lying are more harmful than helpful, you can start to build the way to stopping yourself from lying.

So, let’s try to create a truthful and genuine reality for ourselves in the hope that others will follow. When you become an open and authentic person, people follow suit as you create a bubble of trust for them to be included in.

Lying can become part of your identity

Even when you think you are the best liar, there are people out there that know you are lying. When you lie, your behaviour and patterns also change, and as you build your web of lies, your lying becomes more and more transparent to others as there is little consistency in your stories and actions.

Why are other people’s judgement so important to you?

This is an important question because lying usually means that you care about what others think of you. You lie to create a more interesting or impressive life for yourself.

And there are a few reasons why this might be:

  • You don’t trust people to like you for who you really are
  • You don’t feel good enough as you are
  • Shame 
  • Being told you are not good enough

All of these have one thing in common – self-esteem. Now it’s not so easy to simply stop lying, but taking a few small steps can be a productive move to steering away from a disingenuous lifestyle.

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