Main Reason Why You Lie

lying therapy london

The main reason why you find it so easy to lie is because it has become your default response to any type of tension and stress in your life.


Now, this can manifest in any number of ways, from not feeling good enough when with others, to making a mistake and covering your tracks;  To even not liking your life and pretending to be someone that you are not.

It can get so bad that you don’t even make a decision to lie it just comes out without any rhyme or reason.

Lying then becomes the easier option rather than telling the truth.
Of course, by lying in the short term you are getting praise and validation for saying you have done something without putting in the time and effort to do it.

Eventually, then you are going to be expected to fulfil your promise. Showing the proof that you have achieved what you have said.  Mean that you will be forced to either tell the truth or keep on lying and hoping that you never get found out; which by the way, you will do eventually.

I hope you can see then that lying is not a sustainable option to live in an easy, truthful and authentic way.
What I want to do now is share with you 3 easy steps to help to change your normal behaviour. Helping you to become someone that tells the truth all of the time.

Tension

Step 1 is to notice tension. As I mentioned before lying can become such a part of your identity that it becomes your automatic response.

So you need to work out what your emotional triggers are to make you tell the lie. Maybe it is your boss telling you off for doing something wrong or your partner asking you where you have been. Notice how you deal with stress, is your first response to always tell a lie?

Try

Step 2 is to try to tell the truth. If that means saying that you made a mistake hold your hands up and say it. Tell your partner the truth as you will be found out to be a lier in the end.

It might mean that they get upset in the short term but means that you can build a trusting relationship in the long term. If they get upset, talk to them and explain why you acted in that way. Discuss working out a compromise to to a happier future.

Enjoy

Step 3 is to enjoy telling the truth. Intrinsically with lying there is a sense of relief and validation that you have pulled the wool over other’s eyes. As I have mentioned prior it’s only short-term gain. The long-term detriment is that you will be found out eventually and it will erode the trust that others have for you and, as a result, your relationship with them.
Instead of finding lying validating try finding telling the truth as, if not more, validating. In the short term, it might seem scary. In the long term, your loved ones will trust you more as they are getting to see the real you. Rather than the you that you want them to see.

Trust

Start trusting that others will be there when you tell the truth. You don’t have to lie to have friends and keep the peace. Speak to people and ask for what you want and feel confident that people like you for you, not who you have felt you have had to pretend to be.

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