Why Am I Not Confident? (5 steps to build your confidence)

build your confidence therapy in London

Self-confidence is necessary to be able to talk to others, be yourself and overall be happy.

In this week’s blog, I want to share my 5 steps to building your self-confidence.


Step 1. You don’t know everything

Be ok with not knowing everything.

The number one reason why someone is confident is that they feel in control, and that means feeling OK with sometimes not knowing what to do.

Step 2. Be prepared

This leads us to the next step which is to be prepared.

If you prepare a question topic  when the conversation goes quiet and you have nothing left to talk about then you won’t feel lost

For example, I love your shoes, where did you get them from?

Step 3. Others point of view is not that Important

Stop caring what others think. Believe that you are the most important person in the room.

You don’t have to pretend to be someone you are not to please others – but your lack of confidence has shrouded your personality for so long that you haven’t felt able to show who you really are.

People are lucky to talk to you – believe that – and if someone doesn’t like it then that’s their problem, not yours.

Step 4. Stop blaming yourself

One day, you might not know what to say, you’ll trip up or make a mistake.

I bet that’s one of your greatest fears, which is what is stopping you from putting yourself out there.

In reality, making a mistake isn’t that bad, but rather how you carry on after the mistake is how people will remember you.

For example, if you are speaking to someone and you knock over a glass of water.

It’s not ideal, but rather than stopping talking and running away which makes people judge you in a negative way, apologise, make a joke out of the mistake and carry on.

Believe it or not, making a mistake can actually work to build a more confident self-assured picture of you if you learn how to carry it off.

Step 5. Look great, feel great

It is important to fix part of yourself physically too. Whether that is standing up a bit straighter, learning to look at someone in the eye when you talk to them, or losing some weight.

If you feel better about yourself, you will be more confident when you are with others too.

What no one has told you is that being confident is not about knowing what to do all of the time, but your ability to adapt and know how to get involved in any given situation.

Stop beating yourself up and realise that you don’t have to be perfect to be more confident.

It just means finding some ways to make you feel in control of any situation.

Therapy in London